When I first worked with a very wise coach in 2017, she introduced me to the concept of setting three ‘theme’ words for the year rather than New Year’s resolutions.
The challenge with New Year’s resolutions is that we often set challenging goals that are black and white i.e. we succeed or fail. There is no grey. They require significant changes to our routines and habits and the reality is that most of us have “failed” before the end of January. There is lots of different research available, but they all show that somewhere between 70-92% of goals are unsuccessful.
This means we start the year feeling like a failure; we have reinforced some of our limiting beliefs and we are no nearer our goals. The beauty of the ‘three word’ approach is that you are setting intentions and themes that can motivate and inspire you all year long.
Those of you who read my blogs and email updates will know that I have been reflecting over the last few months as I realised that, following the last few years, some areas of my life were not as I wanted them to be.
2022 was a tough year for a lot of people. We went into it emotionally exhausted after the challenges of the two previous years and, suddenly, life went back to full speed. Holidays could be booked; social events were back in force (or not!), school activities returned, long overdue family catch ups were being scheduled and we were all told life is ‘back to normal’. This led to many conflicting emotions. For some it was easy to get back to pre-pandemic life. For others, there was a new fear that it could all change again and for others, life had changed significantly and so there was no return to normality.
I noticed during 2022 that my life had shrunk. My work (which I love) had become a huge part of my life and many other activities had shrunk to make room. Working at home alone most of the time had increased my isolation and my lack of local family and a social circle made it hard to change this. None of this happened deliberately or suddenly but I felt its effect strongly in the last quarter of 2022.
So – time for a change!
There is a great quote that says: “a habit is only a habit until you notice it – and then it is a choice.”
I had definitely noticed it, so it was time to make choices about what I wanted to do. In December, I decided to set my three words for 2023 and take the first steps to start changing my focus and mindset.
The three words have I chosen for 2023 are Connection; Fulfilment and Happiness.
Connection
Connection is what I was really missing in 2022. This is the area that changed the most during the pandemic and I have set about putting back in as much as I can.
I have already changed the structure of my week so that I have more social or group activities spread throughout the week. I have joined some wonderfully friendly spin classes and the Delamere Forest volunteers team, and I have signed up to a lovely group crochet class. All of these are regular activities that bring me plenty of informal connection and company. Knowing they are in my diary has already had a big impact on me.
In addition to this, I set about contacting people and getting catch-ups in the diary. It is easy to tell yourself that people don’t want to spend time with you but that is rarely true. The reality is that we all live busy lives and scheduling social activity for ourselves often doesn’t get prioritised above the needs of everybody else. A great tip I have learned is to agree the next date you are going to meet before you say goodbye. Having dates in the diary to look forward to really makes a difference to our happiness.
Fulfilment
I am really lucky to be able to do work that really fulfils me. This is a big life change I made nearly 5 years ago – and I haven’t regretted it for a moment. As my business develops, I continue to learn which areas of coaching provide me with the most fulfilment and during 2023 I am going to make a concerted effort to change the mix of my business to more accurately reflect this.
This takes courage sometimes and it means I have to challenge myself to go and find more of what I want. It also means saying “No thank you” sometimes. This is a promise I have made to myself this year and I am currently building a plan to deliver it.
Happiness
I thought long and hard about including this one. I never react well when someone tells me I should be happy because life could be so much worse! Happiness is a very personal emotion – the recipe for happiness is different for everyone.
When I work with coaching clients, we almost never focus on happiness directly. However, when we complete our coaching, clients almost always describe themselves as feeling happier. I believe that is because they are now feeling more in choice. They have taken responsibility for their lives and their mindsets and that has directly impacted their happiness.
So, for 2023, I am taking full responsibility for my happiness. When I am feeling unhappy, I am going to get curious and reflect on what changes I need to make. And then I am going to make them. I already am!
So, what three words are you going to choose? If you want help identifying your values or goals, then please contact me here. I’d be delighted to help you.