Do you tell yourself you are lazy?
I hear this from clients regularly, especially younger people. Often, they have been told they are lazy in the past by teachers or caregivers, and they have come to believe it is true. Because they believe it, they now describe themselves as lazy and have accepted that is just who they are.
They will bring this belief to coaching as the reason they don’t achieve their goals. They will tell me that they struggle in the afternoons because they are lazy, they haven’t done their study or assignment because they lazy, or they don’t do sport because they are lazy. I have heard many different examples – all of which come with a belief that they can’t change.
As part of the coaching session, I will explore what else they do in their life or what they have done in the past. By being curious, we always uncover plenty of other examples where it is clear that they are not in the slightest bit lazy!
Changing the belief that we are lazy
The reality is that they aren’t lazy at all. They are actually driven individuals, many of whom have completed education to degree level, have often found themselves a job in a great graduate programme and are delivering real value to businesses. Many of them have moved away from home and are building a new life in many different ways. They have much to be proud of.
The sad reality is that education doesn’t always prepare us for adult life. It can do a great job of teaching academic subjects and increasingly, more practical skills such as coding, but it doesn’t always include self-management. There can be a belief that life should be easy, that people just know how to motivate themselves and manage their time effectively. Social media can leave people under the impression that everyone else knows what they are doing and it is just them that are struggling. This reinforces negative beliefs such as they are lazy.
I believe that everyone has an inner critic or saboteur who thinks that they are helping us survive but, in reality, all they do is fill our minds with negative thoughts designed to stop us moving forward. They love procrastination as it can sound like they are being our best friend when all they are doing is increasing the risk of tasks not going well and giving us an excuse to beat ourselves up. If we have developed a procrastination habit, then it is easy for our inner critic to persuade us that we are lazy. And, because it is often easier to believe that rather than do the harder work, we believe them.
The solution is to stop listening to our inner critics and use the power of our brains to help us break this habit. Our brains are designed to keep us alive efficiently. In very simple terms, they will let us put in effort based on the reward available. If the reward we are going to get from completing a task isn’t worth the effort we have to put in – then we are not going to do it (or we are going to find it much harder). This also applies to overcoming fears. If we have to overcome a fear of failure or judgement, then the reward needs to be worth it or else procrastination will win.
Strategies to overcome procrastination
Once we recognise and understand what is happening, I use the following strategies to start overcoming procrastination and leave behind the belief that we are lazy.
I put tasks into three categories:
1 – Tasks we like doing that no one needs to remind us about.
No-one needs to prompt me to send my daughter a message on her travels, have my first coffee of the day or see my closest friends. I never think of myself as lazy in these areas and procrastination does not win.
2 – Tasks that make us feel good when we have done them but sometimes we struggle to get started.
For some people exercise falls into this category; for others it may be social occasions or tidying/cleaning; there are many examples of what might fall into here. All that matters is that we feel better when we have done it than when we haven’t.
The best strategy for this group of tasks is to parent ourselves. Not many 2 year old children would choose to brush their teeth and we expect caregivers to ensure they do. As adults, we have to learn to do this for ourselves.
The most successful techniques I see for this category are to schedule activities (to remove an element of decision making) and/or to look for an accountability partner who will encourage you. If you decide to go to the gym 3 times a week then you are much more likely to be successful if you decide exactly which 3 days you are going.
It can also help to add an extra “why” to motivate you. I love walking and it is central to my self-care routine but sometimes when it is wet and windy I can fall back on my miles. As I live in the NorthWest of England I can easily find excuses to walk less for 8 months of the year!! I joined #walk1000miles to give me the extra motivation to do the walks that I know make me feel better.
3 – Tasks we just don’t like doing but have to be done.
I have heard all sorts of examples in this category. For me, bin day features highly!! For others, it is admin tasks, cleaning, food shopping, emptying dishwashers or networking.
What can be in category 1 for one person can be in category 3 for someone else. Cleaning can be relaxing and recharging for one person and a hated necessity for someone else. There is no right or wrong – it is just what is true for you.
For tasks in this category, I find that allocating them the smallest amount of space in your day is the best way to get them done. Either using the “Eat the Frog” technique to get them done at the earliest possible opportunity, or introducing some kind of competition or reward to motivate yourself.
Examples can be:-
- Allocating the first 30 minutes of your work day for any task you don’t like doing. Whether this is an essential admin task, dealing with a difficult stakeholder or anything else you might put off – get it done first. You then get to spend the rest of the day feeling smug that you did it instead of beating yourself up that you didn’t.
- Putting the kettle on for a cup of tea/coffee and challenging yourself to empty the dishwasher or complete a different task before it finishes boiling. You then get the reward of a hot drink and the knowledge the task is done!
- Using a sticker chart or other habit tracker to give you a lovely dopamine hit and incentivise you to create a new habit of getting the jobs done.
As with all change, it is much better to focus on one or two changes at a time and build up gradually over time. Start asking yourself at the end of every day “What am I putting off?” and pick something to apply one of these strategies to.
If we can master these strategies, we get the lovely feel-good chemicals our brains give us when we do the right things – and we will also boost our self-belief as we learn to trust ourselves to make the right decisions. We will stop believing we are lazy and start believing in ourselves. Once we do this, we can achieve anything we set our minds on.
If you would like any help overcoming procrastination and ditching the belief you are lazy, then please contact me for a free initial chat via the link below.