Are you living in choice?
How often do you ask yourself “What do I actually want?”
I was recently introduced to the wonderful poet and spoken-word artist, Molly Naylor. If you aren’t familiar with her work, then I really suggest that you find her online and watch some of her videos. I’ve never really followed poetry and I had no idea what to expect, but she really resonated with me.
One of her poems is called “You’re alright”. A short excerpt is:
“You’re alright you are. You’re fine. You’re a 6 out of 10. You’re medium cheese. Don’t love yourself, accept yourself“ …
There was a running theme throughout her show and subsequent workshop about ditching the need to be perfect, about letting go of the need to “smash” life. Molly quite rightly pointed out that, if we weren’t so intent on trying to win at everything and push ourselves so hard, then we might not need all the time recovering from burn out. She talks about giving up the constant struggle to achieve the crazy standards that social media can imply are mandatory and to let ourselves be happy just being us. This means knowing what makes us happy and letting ourselves have it.
Her workshop was called “Be More Medium” and I’ll be honest and say that I would never normally have chosen to attend based on that title. I’m a coach and my whole purpose is to help people be the best that they can be. However, the workshop really made me think. The panel talked eloquently about their journeys and how they had tried so hard to fit into the boxes they were expected to be in. In both cases, this had brought them some success but also physical and emotional exhaustion. They were now following different paths that more truly resonated with them, even though they were outside what society may expect. Their lives were more balanced, fulfilled and happy.
I left the event with a strong reminder of what my purpose is – to help people be the best they WANT to be, not who they think they SHOULD be.
Of course, I know that really. I often work with clients to ditch the “should”, “have to”, “need to” language and replace it with “want” and “could” – but it is easy to forget that for ourselves. We can find it hard to let go of the constant comparison with other people through the biased lens of social media. Even though part of our brain knows it is nonsense, there is a part of our brain that desperately wants to feel good enough. I can be very guilty of this.
Create a life in choice
Success is learning to feel good enough for yourself. In order to do that, it is vital that you reflect and understand what is important to you.
What are your values?
What do you enjoy doing?
What gives you peace and helps you feel recharged or re-energised?
What does happiness look like for you?
I have struggled with this over recent years. In the lead up to the pandemic, I felt like I had finally achieved a lifestyle that I had craved for most of my life. I had a good social life, new friends and I finally felt like I belonged. Then, during the pandemic, I realised that it all disappeared in a flash.
It has taken me a lot of work to realise that what I really want is what I have now. I had spent years trying to join a club that I thought I should belong to – I hadn’t really accepted who I truly was and what makes me really happy. I have a different lifestyle, a number of different “tribes” that I feel safe and accepted within, and a greater sense of peace with myself. Working on myself never stops, but I have definitely come far.
So, what does your best life look like? If you are completely honest with yourself and listen to your “wants” not your “shoulds” or your “need tos” – what does your future look like? Are you living a life in accordance with your values and your heart? Or are you striving for something you think you should have?
If you would to watch the wonderful Molly Naylor in action you can find a performance of the poem i have quoted above then you can find it here . WARNING – contains language that may offend.
If you would like some help with learning how to be kind to yourself then coaching can help. Please contact me via the button below for an initial free session to see how I can help you.